I’m gay. I’m agender, and I like enbies better than men and women.
The other day in an argument I got frustrated with someone and told them to call me a homophobic slur. One part sarcasm, one part hoping they’d actually do it and get in trouble. Instead, I got punished for using the word. I wasn’t expecting that, because I’m gay. If I call myself a f-----, I didn’t think that was anyone else’s problem.
Was I right? Is it okay for me to use that word, talking about myself?
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I think there are two conflicting strategies at play here.
First is common decency. You just don’t say things that might offend people. All in all, a great strategy for everyday use.
But there’s also when a group “takes back” their slurs and starts using them in a friendly way. They are essentially taking power away from those words. Maliciously calling someone a particular slur doesn’t hurt so much when they call each other that every day. It’s a good technique to disarm those who hate you.
But, then you have group A trying not to say these words and group B trying to “flood the market and reduce it’s value” it creates a line of division. YOU can’t say this word, but WE will, because we’re trying to popularize and neuter it.
Neither is doing anything wrong, it’s just two groups with the same goal, (no more hurtful slurs) but they are pushing against each other.
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For sure, any words coming from hate will be hurtful.
As far as the effectiveness of the taking it back system, 🤷🏻♂️ Not my place to have an opinion on that. If the affected people want to do that, I support them. If they don’t agree, I support that too.
The Homophobic Slurs would be a great band name.
Depends: do you want rules that apply equally to everyone or rules that apply selectively based on your demographic status?
Personally, I choose the former.
It sounds like such hard work to be a member of Gen Z.
People just want to control your speech.
Unless you are insulting somebody it is none of their business. With that beign said people will have melt downs over it, I just let them have at it. It does require a thick skin but it can be fun. Since these people are generally not very bright. They think they are imposing “social consequences” but in reality most people don’t give a fuck and can actually understand context.
Going forward just avoid having stupid idiots around, it makes for much better conversation tbh
I’m curious about spelling out “enbies”. Seems like extra letters and obfuscation.
Thanks. I just skipped over it not knowing what they meant, but your comment helped me piece together NBs - Non-Binary.
I think all oppressed people (which ultimately are all people except the ruling class) should bind together and break the system.
But yes, i think you have the moral right to call yourself whatever you wish. Do i think it is a great idea? Not sure. But I think you’re entitled to it.
If you use the word, so can anyone. It’s up to you to decide whether you’re upset about it, but it’s hypocritical to use a word and then claim it’s off limits to anyone else.
They out-woked you and now you’re worried about it? Don’t worry about the rules. Main thing is don’t intentionally try to hurt people. If you become aware that something is unintentionally hurting somebody and it’s within reason to stop, you should probably stop. Call yourself whatever you want. Just understand that some people might be offended and at the end of the day it doesn’t matter as long as you’re not going out of your way to hurt people.
you can do what you want. Personally it hurts me to hear the f-slur due to a lot of trauma, regardless of context. But I’m a big boy who can deal with it, but useful context for you to consider
I’ve noticed some of my gay friends try to “reclaim” slurs while others treat the words as taboo. Seems like a matter of personal preference to me.
Context and intention matter, a great example to learn from on this topic is the boondocks. Gives a great insight into a community with one of the most well known slurs to have been reclaimed in America.
Even “reclaimed” it can still be used to hurt, just like any word.
In reality there’s no such concept as reclaiming a word. The very idea is nonsense. There’s nothing to reclaim as there was nothing lost in the first place.
A word, is a word. They have no weight or power with out intention. In Korean niga means you, in French removed is the color black.
With out the context and intention they are just words. To be hurt by words means you are being hurt by the intention, not the word it self. You can’t “reclaim” others intentions, you have no power over others and part of learning to deal with the trauma of abuse and the association of that abuse with those words. Is to learn the words hold no power over you.
So to move on from the hurtful nature of the words means you must come to grips with the fact you can’t control other people. And if you can’t control other people there’s nothing to reclaim.
Words, are just piles of definitions. If you use them to harm then it is an act of hate. If you use them to band together as brothers then it is an act of kindness.
How you act, your intentions are all that matter. Words, can not break you.
Hard to have a nuanced opinion on this issue since I’m not directly affected by it. From what I can observe some of my gay friends use slurs in a humourous way to make light of the reality that not everyone in society is cool with them being themselves. They seem to enjoy being transgressive and think they have a license to do so in this case (I’d probably argue that they do). idk maybe “reclaiming” was the wrong phrase; it’s more like gallows humour or something.
slur yourself all you want if the word applies to you or your identity! maybe don’t ask other people to do it, though.
I, personally, have no issue with being gay, agender, or affectionately or sarcastically referring to oneself as a faggot, but none of that is relevant to the particular usage that got you in trouble.
You weren’t talking about yourself. You tried to bait another party into using hate speech to escalate a dispute. You wanted to weaponize a slur to play the victim and get someone else in trouble. And you did so in a public place where your behavior caused offense to bystanders.
Agreed. Call yourself whatever you want.
I consider this:
One part sarcasm, one part hoping they’d actually do it and get in trouble.
as underhanded and immature. What kind of argument were you having?
I was arguing with someone who was telling me it’s okay to use slurs
No you were not in the “right”
Two wrongs don’t make a right
I would say no. If you think its an offensive word then why use it?
I was arguing with a tankie who was defending the use of an ableist slur. I told them fine, whatever, call me a f-----. I was making a point about how they would call mentally ill people slurs, but wouldn’t do the same to me. Implying I thought they were a bigot, and they’d attack me too if there were as few consequences. They weren’t a good person, they were just being civil according to social norms. I don’t care about civility, I care about meaning what you say. Practicing what you preach. F----- is how I feel tankies see me, on a certain level. Stalin said being gay is bourgeois decadence. He put us in gulags. I don’t feel safe around Stalin worshippers, and when they attack other minorities, I feel aware of that. I see how their respect is an act.
I’d rather be called a f----- than have them insist they’re my allies. And it took a lot of self control just now to delete those five letters and turn them into dashes. I want to talk openly about how I feel seen by those people. This pretense, not using the words that match how I feel I’m seen, it feels like the same thing. Having to practice civility around people who would lynch me if Dear Leader told them to. I’d prefer slurs.
Slur reclamation exists
generally reclamation is framed as positive usage only. I just learned about this recently myself with the word bitch. Calling my girl friends bitches in a nice way, when i’m not angry and mean it to be endearing is reclamation.
Calling another woman (like jk rowling) a bitch when i don’t like her or her actions is misogynistic even though i’m a woman, because it’s being used to tear down/degrade.
I think the same logic applies to this, a gay man calling his friends the f slur endearingly is fine, but using it hatefully is no different than a straight person doing it.
Not everyone agrees with it.
