Daily life is what daily life is all about.
I do think I’d potentially be happier with a partner who I could speak philosophy and politics with, but if we couldn’t also function simply navigating running a household and raising our family, then we really couldn’t be anything more than friends with benefits long term. Not that that would be a bad thing. It just depends on how you want to live your life, and whether you value a stable partnership over firey romance.
Some people are lucky enough to have a partner that fulfills the entirety of their intellectual, intimate, familial and financial needs, but such people are few and far between I’m sure!
My partner and I both understand that free will doesn’t exist but it’s better for everyone if we pretend it does. And yes, a lot of our conversations are a bit like that.
Too bad you don’t have the free will to change that ;-)
I know that free will doesn’t exist and I wouldn’t choose to have it any other way
Too bad. I chose for free will to exist, and I’m happy with my decision.
Free will is the choice. Just because “particles have rules, you’re made of particles” doesn’t mean you didn’t have a choice. It’s just that the thing we’ve been calling “free will” is a little different than we thought.
Silence isn’t a crime you know…it’s actually pretty great.
I REFRAIN FROM THE PRACTICE OF UTILIZING MINISCULE SPEECH. EACH AND EVERY INSTANCE OF MY EXPRESSION IS VAST AND VERBOSE AND MAXIMAL.
When I say “I hate small talk” I actually mean “please Shut up, Im really anxious and I don’t know what to respond to you other that nodding and «Thats crazy»”
Understandable. And relatable.
When most people say “I hate small talk” it’s because they don’t socialize broadly and don’t really “get” how it works, and how it’s often just a way of expressing how you feel at that moment, and when two people are making small-talk, it’s less about the information being shared and more about the tone, intimacy and connection, like sharing space and being open with passing thoughts.
People in a healthy relationship will “small talk” for hours about the weather or pizza prices, and then launch into a deep debate about post-modernism and expressionist art, which will dissolve as one or both get distracted by the pizza finally arriving.
When someone says “I hate small talk” it just reveals they have no understanding how human connection actually works and think two people talking has to play out narratively like media, television shows or movies.
Pal you actually sounds like someone who really HATES small talk, Jesus…
I hate small talk, because you (a stranger) do not interest me and I don’t care about trying to connect with you. I have neither the need nor the energy to try and am very comfortable just being in silence.
I small talk with people that I interact on a daily basis and need to communicate with (coworkers). Even then it heavily depends on how much energy I have.
I small talk with my friends and SO because I want to connect. So I put effort in to be present in the conversations.
It’s not right to lump small talk with a cashier, cab driver or a haircutter together with small talk with a friend or a partner.
I hate small talk, because you (a stranger) do not interest me and I don’t care about trying to connect with you.
Pretty much sums up all our problems as a civilization in one paragraph, thank you.
Listen man, we (as individuals) can’t care for or help everybody. Connect with the ones you care about and don’t harm everyone else. The fact that I don’t care about you, doesn’t mean we can’t coexist or even help each other.
Looking form another angle, why not wanting to socialize in stranger small talk is bad? Why I am expected to accommodate? Why can’t we just enjoy the silence in this hypothetical situation?
I see this sentiment more often than not. Me, as the less social party, is expected to move out of my comfort zone, but the person trying get me into a conversation isn’t expected do the same and just keep to themselves.
If relative isolation is what makes you happy or you have your own core group of people who will never leave you and they reliably fulfill your social needs, that’s fine. But I see this sentiment expressed by people who also whine endlessly how hard dating is, how hard it is to meet people and make friends, how hard it is to socialize, how lonely they are, etc. You can’t have it all.
I suppose there’s nuance in everything. That’s a fair criticism.
I appreciate the nuanced and self-examined reply, Satan.
Small talk is the human equivalent to the initialization/handshake phase of the TCP protocol.
It establishes the connection, introduces the speakers, validates the presence of the other, and then allows data transmission to take place.
Unlike computers, we humans require years of practice to get it correct because there isn’t one set standard.
Asking someone you love “How was your day?” is a meaningful question. Small talk is bullshit time wasting between randos or acquaintances.
“Lovely weather today, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, makes me feel like picnics,”
is expressing feelings to each other, affirming a shared worldview in which sunny weather is good, and affirming the value of each others’ feelings and potential plans.
Just because the real meaning is hidden, doesn’t negate the value.
That’s fair. Sometimes I can be a bit grumpy with randos.
No small talk only big talk
Meaningful.
The clue is in meaningful.
Ah, but meaning comes on many layers, some of which are hidden.
What about how the left and right brain can operate independently when split?
Silence is bliss while doing your own hobbies together.
“i just don’t think this relationship is going to work. i need more small talk.”
“…the fuck? ok, bye”
No. Because the people in power use their influence to torture everyone else.
I don’t think it matters.
I honestly don’t think it’s a meaningful question.
Honestly yes that’s kind of what I do.
It’s not small talk, because i actually care how my wife’s day was.
How do you get married to someone if you never started with small talk?
The free will question is much closer to the conversations I was having with my wife before we got married. We were talking for hours every day, I can’t imagine spending hours on small talk.
Well that wasn’t really the question. But actually I met her when we were both pretty young so I don’t recall it being much of an issue. We probably talked about kid stuff.
What’s your favorite color? Do you like hot wheels? Perhaps our definition of small talk differs from others. To me it’s a starting point to get into deeper conversations.
Because that way “I see you as a friend!” lies. At least that’s why I’m single.
I guess I see small talk as gateway questions to deeper conversations. I met me wife by asking about the weather.
“Hi there! Beautiful weather we’re having, isn’t it?”
“Yes, perfect for marrying…”
Try getting married to a dragon, they don’t care about small talk
I can’t, morally, upvote you but I appreciate your self-consistency.
What did drag do?
Idk. Everyone’s done something but I don’t know them like that.
I was adopting a joke stance against their dragon fuckinf.
In the case of my grandfather he just went all in on his batshit insane stories, his first one was apparently how he electrocuted his balls. My grandmother avoided him initially, but after she realized he was the charming type of insane she warmed up to him. The fuck were people doing in the 70s?
Electrocuting their balls, apparently.
Well that and using chemicals that cause cancer if you don’t use a mask with a filter. He came to regret that one. My grandfather was a walking OSHA violation.
Fill the void with intercourse.
through meeting with intent so your talks are not small.
You seem lovely on dates
