If you reminisce, it was a good shit

No, I spend the day lamenting my pathetic output.

That’s your butthole saying “eat more fiber”, dude.

Like sweet fruit? Eat a peach, plum, some cherries, etc.

Want cheese and crackers? Go for whole-grain flatbread with weird seeds in it.

Prefer to guzzle a gunky potion, like a real adventurer? Psyllium husk in water is bland beige slime, but it’ll let you get the poop business done and over.

BTW: Do one of these before you give yourself the Curse of the Emerods.

I think we should open c/asklemmyshitposting for these questions.

mv a_very_big_shit /dev/null
history | tail > ~/daily_reminiscences

One time I literally laid an approximately 3 foot long unbroken log, it was amazing! I even made a point to show my dad before I flushed it, to which he said “Well no wonder you’ve been so irritable lately”

Could have used a poop knife on that glorious day though LOL!

I’ve had some great ones … those where the end touches the water before it’s finished leaving your asshole.

But one time I entered a public toilet in Mexico City and saw the biggest turd I’ve seen in my life. Obviously it was not capable of being flushed … it seemed to fill the entire bowl. I was just in awe at how that could have possibly fitted inside a person.

No, that’s all in a day’s work for my bowels. However, I am sometimes taken aback by the shapes as if I was admiring the shapes of clouds. Yesterday let’s just say I produced the likeness of a certain nation after a short stomache ache and briefly remarking in my mind “even shitting it out felt like a human rights abuse”.

No, I have a life. Just kidding, I don’t have a life, or fantastic shits.