Title. Interested to see the response from different religions
Edit: Stating your religion would be appreciated. Lack of religion counts for the purpose of this question. Also let’s not downvote people for differing religions, all voices are welcome here. If no; why?
I’m an atheist. I dated a woman once who believed in spirits. I think she experienced night terrors among other things and interpreted them as supernatural phenomena. It didn’t cause problems then but I was a lot younger and I think now I’m less tolerant of that sort of thing. But who knows - I was crazy about her so maybe if I meet a woman I’m crazy about like that again then I’ll tolerate anything.
More recently I’ve dated people who believe in a vague sort of life after death but never someone who practiced any religion. I think I would immediately rule out practicing religious people if I were going through a list (as when dating online) but if I met someone in person, really liked her, and then found out she was religious then I’m not sure what I would do. It would definitely be off-putting.
The problem for me isn’t the lifestyle differences but rather my impression that religious people are missing the point about the basic nature of existence, when it really should be obvious. It makes me feel like I’m patronizing them, because to be frank I don’t tend to think of them as my intellectual equals. (And I know that makes me sound like a pompous jerk.)
Yea I kinda get the same feeling. Although for a lot of people their religion does not preclude the acceptation/understanding of a physical world, it’s a more of set of rites that they inherited and that’s part of their identity. There’s plenty of religious people who are scientists. For some, I imagine it may be difficult to reconcile.
I know that there are religious scientists and I think humans often compartmentalize beliefs in such a way that their belief about the supernatural doesn’t affect their assessment of real-world situations. I’ll even go further and say that often it seems like their belief affects their behavior much less than it logically ought to, with some (but not all) people who apparently sincerely believe in an all-seeing God and an afterlife still acting just like atheists in relevant situations. In this context, the fanatics are sometimes technically the more rational ones - I disagree with their premises, but their actions make sense if those premises are considered true.
It’s certainly weird how many people say that they believe and then just … don’t do anything that their belief says they should do.
I think people’s behavior is determined much more by social conventions and the expectations of their community (in addition to pragmatic self-interest) than it is by logical reasoning. I’ll risk being the preachy vegetarian by discussing people’s attitudes towards eating meat. Most people sincerely believe that cruelty to animals is wrong, and also that factory farming (if not all killing) is cruel. Yet they eat meat. I even know some people who started eating meat again after being ethical vegetarians. Did they change their minds about whether or not harming animals is bad? No. If pressed, they feel guilty but they don’t like to talk about it. The reason they’re eating meat is because it’s convenient and almost everyone expects them to, not because they reasoned from first principles. Likewise with religion - if no one else is giving everything away to the poor and everyone will think you’re crazy if you do rather than praising you, you’re not going to give everything away to the poor even if it would make sense to do so given what you believe.
Edit: Kidney donation is another example. I met a woman once who donated a kidney to a friend of her mother’s. This person wasn’t someone particularly dear to her, but she found out that he needed a kidney to live and she gave him hers. I think that what she did is commendable, but I still have both my kidneys. This is despite the fact that I sincerely believe that if, for example, I saw a drowning child then I would risk my life to save him. People would think I was a hero if I saved the child, or that I was a coward if I didn’t try. Meanwhile almost everyone I know would think I went crazy if I donated a kidney to a stranger. My relatives would be extremely worried, and they would try to talk me out of it. I’m not going to do something difficult, painful, and (to an extent) dangerous when everyone I know would disapprove, even if in principle I think risking my life to save another’s is a good thing to do.
I think your ideas here go into the right direction, but the confusing part for me is that many of the christians I know are so far below what you’d expect from a christian in these parts (which is already very little) - it’s not that they don’t give everything away to the poor, they’re doing (as far as I can tell) nothing - they don’t pray, they don’t go to church, and they don’t adhere to any of what the bible says they should do beyond maybe basic Golden Rule stuff. And it’s not even like most families would make a big deal out of it if you left the faith or even became fully atheist. Most do pay the church tax, though, which is about 1% of your gross income.
Here’s an incident that is only tangentially related to what we’re talking about, but it’s one that I found memorable. My grandmother was reading a tabloid newspaper (which she tends to believe) and it apparently had an article about UFOs. She turned to me and told me that, according to the newspaper, space aliens were real and visiting Earth. Then she went about her ordinary business - the thing about the aliens was simply an interesting bit of trivia for her.
I think her reaction was not in fact particularly unusual, but I found it baffling. The arrival of space aliens would be perhaps the most important thing that has ever happened to humanity. The entire future of the species would hang in the balance, and everything would hinge on what the aliens want. I know my grandmother very well but I still don’t really understand how she thinks about things like this. The best I can come up with is that she believes in many fantastical things and therefore just one more fantastical thing changes little for her.
This isn’t a direct response to what you’re describing but I think it’s relevant as an illustration of one way how the fantastical can be less important than the mundane for people.
Sure. My parents had different religions and being an atheist I don’t really have a duty to care about other people’s religions.
Of course it helped that my parents weren’t too seriously religious. And I’ve rejected religious people for having religion-tied views I find appalling. But the religion itself isn’t the issue, just the things that sometimes result from it are.
If they were personally religious (spiritual) rather than socially/dogmatically religious, then it could work out. As an atheist, I’m not against spiritual beliefs, but their core values must align with mine - that is the important bit here. Obviously, communication about these things would determine where we align, and help determine if we could sustain a relationship, but it’s certainly a possibility.
Note: I include a love of nature, humanism, etc. under the ‘spiritual’ label, as well as traditionally religiously spiritual.
Note: I include a love of nature, humanism, etc. under the ‘spiritual’ label, as well as traditionally religiously spiritual.
Huh. Why?
People dive different things “spiritual”, whether it’s mystical or natural in origin. And “spiritual” can mean different things to different people. So, my label is inclusive.
Ah. It’s somewhat odd for me, as my love for and of nature, as well as (and in the same vein) my ideas about human potential and dignity come from a specifically un- if not anti-spiritual place.
Something like: The material world is not only beautiful (in a fundamental way, I don’t merely mean pretty like a forest on a hill, but also beautiful like all the interconnected systems that make it a forest), but also all there is, and that is part of the reason why caring about feeling beings is important.
But yeah, we always gotta make some judgement calls on who and what we exclude and include with the terms we use.
I guess, I’d say that “spiritual” is something that moves you deeply (you spirit, soul, or whatever you’d like to call it).
This conversation has helped me hone in a bit on my meaning. Thank you.
Muslim here and nope. Setting aside that it’s forbidden in Islam, I’d have to get them on board with so many things they might as well convert.
Do you live in a country where Muslim religion is assumed or do you have to ask their religion right off? That seems rough
I’m an immigrant in a country where save for a small foreign diaspora Muslims basically don’t exist, so while I’m choosing to leave this stuff for future me to figure out, if I ever do choose to find someone it’ll be rough going.
Ouch. That does seem complicated. I wish you luck!
Not anyone who is actively/strongly religious of any kind. Philosophical/spiritual beliefs is fine with me but anyone who is drinking the Kool-Aid is either delusional or dumb (and probably stubborn/hard to reason with). I was raised Catholic (even went to Catholic school from elementary up to finishing HS) but would consider myself somewhere between agnostic and atheist now
Atheist. In general I don’t have a problem with religion, as long as it doesn’t get uncomfortable. By that I mean stuff like forcing or forbidding me to do stuff. Not believing in basic science is a hard no as well.
But I feel like that’s a problem that only part of the world has. Christianity in the U.S is a fucking cult. I don’t think I could date anyone from that hardcore believe system. I’m from germany andI am yet to meet a christian that believe in the bullshit parts. Like believing in what the bible says alone is fucking weird to me and pretty much novody exeptfor hardcores does that here.
So I’d say for methe line is at “cult” level
“Not believing in basic science” should be complete turnoff for anyone ngl.
Imagine your life partner saying if they have any kids they don’t want to vaccinate them cause autistic people go to hell or some bs.
Also for Christianity in the US thing.
I am a pretty religious Muslim (maturidi) and lived in Iraq before. I still find US sects like Mormonism too extreme for even being roommates let alone marrying, despite being another Abrahamic religion.
No
Atheist here, married to another atheiest. If I were to date, beliefs would be fine as long as we were somewhat compatible. Open mindedness is a big thing here. Observing certain rituals would be no problem as long as I would not have to participate. However, if you are overly dogmatic or bigoted towards other people based on color, religion or sexuality, you can fuck off right away.
No lol
I couldn’t be equals with someone who isn’t living in grounded reality.
I am strongly atheist, and I don’t think I could ever feel like they were equal in intelligence, and respect someone who believes in total nonsense.
as long as they aren’t going to force me into said religion I would be fine with it, if I dated anyway.
I would try to support them and all but, I’m agnostic
Hard no.
The last thing I need is the wife pestering me constantly to go to church.
I could maybe see myself with a pagan, but it depends on how much woo they believe in.
Luckily, a wonderful atheist woman found me and we’ve been married going on 10 years now.
No. Spirituality is a very core value. I wouldn’t negotiate it.
As a former evangelical Christian, who also dabbled in atheism, antitheism, etc, I settled into something that’s probably closest to Zen Buddhism mixed with atheism. I’ve been on dates with people, many of them I probably never knew their religion, but the gung-ho Christians and the Mormons showed their incompatibility very quickly. Funnily enough, ex-catholics dig me and I like them. :-)
I don’t see myself dating someone who is theocratic, doesn’t believe abortion should be allowed, or wants me to go to their church with them. I sometimes tell the story of the time I was figuring myself out and ended up going on a date with a girl who didn’t believe in dinosaurs. I call her dinosaur girl. I wish her well, but man did I dodge a bullet!
