Like usually every minute I’d quickly look around to make sure there aren’t weirdos following me.
For context: I’m a young-adult male, but I don’t exactly have training in martial arts or anything, so I’m every time I see anyone that looks “tough” I don’t feel safe.
When I was a kid, my parents told me the usual “stranger danger” talk. Also in movies and tv, there are usualy a lot of plot involving peoppe getting followed, and the victim never looks back. In crime stories, and in the news, people usually become a victim if a bad person follows them home.
So when I went to school as a kid/teen, I’d always be scanning my surroundings like very often, especially when nearing home, I’d be like looking around every 20 seconds to see if there’s weirdos following.
Even as a young adult, I kinda still have this instinct. I mean, we hear about crime everywhere. I don’t exactly live in a “slum”, but I live in a big city, and more people generally means more crime, and statistically, crime is sort of an issue where I live, I mean, it’a a city, you know how it is. This is in the US btw.
I don’t carry a gun, don’t wanna have intrusive thoughts about killing myself so I don’t want that, so I carry pepper spray just in case.
I mean, I’m probably not gonna change my behavior, I think its good to be cautious, this question is just me trying to see if there’s anyone else out there think thinks like me.
I don’t look around like I’m being followed, but I keep my head on a swivel for anything. Wild animal, car out of control, etc. seen enough videos of people getting fucked up by random things.
deleted by creator
Not unless I am walking downtown or in an unfamiliar area of my city. I live in a pretty boring suburb of a safe city in Canada. I usually am walking with my very large and loud dog, and mostly in the daytime
I do it subconsciously, 100% of the time. I’m always aware of potential threats.
Also, this is what I hate most about open work spaces. It’s hard to stay focused while also feeling very vulnerable.
…or are you?
If you’re so aware then how did I get inside of your weighted blanket?
we hear about crime everywhere.
Worth noting that although concern about crime in the US has risen over time, the actual rate of violent crime has fallen dramatically over the past few decades. As in the overall violent crime rate fell 49% between 1993 and 2022.
I’m not telling you whether your level of concern is appropriate or not, that’s up to you and may vary with circumstances that I don’t know. But generally speaking I think it’s safe to say that levels of concern in the US don’t line up very well with the things that the concern is about. Might be worth investigating for yourself and perhaps calibrating your expectations a bit.
Being aware of your surroundings, regardless of a “safe” or “dangerous” place is just street smarts. However, you may not realize that looking around every minute makes you look scared and people who want to victimize you will catch on to that fear and target you. And other people, that are not trying to harm you, will think there is something wrong with you and avoid you as the “danger stranger”. I would suggest being more calm, use your ears as well as your eyes, and look a little less often. “Blend in” is the safe way to move through an area.
I don’t but I’m an old white dude
What evidence do you have that there is crime in your neighborhood, have you seen any firsthand? How well do you know your neighbours and wider community, are they concerned about any threats? Worrying about something like this is not healthy. I can’t imagine living somewhere I need to continually look over my shoulder.
I’m a woman, so yeah. Especially while living in America right now.
Depends on the circumstances. If I’m walking on a street or neighborhood someone told me they got mugged on I’ll be way more aware and observant than otherwise. Same if I’m walking in nature it’s good to look behind regularly to be familiar with how the trail looks both ways so you don’t get turned around on the way back or if there are large predators in the area. If I’m walking around my neighborhood I’ll be much more selective about when I’m more observant because I know where the poorly lit areas and blind corners are, and more so at 2am than 2pm.
Speaking of mugging, someone snatched a few hundred dollars from my mom when she was about to deposit it in the bank. Happened just a few blocks from my house. Perhaps that was subconciously in the back of my mind.
As a woman, constantly
As a big, scary-looking dude, I hate going out in public because I know I freak solitary women out. I feel like I should wear a shirt that says “I apologize for being here,” or something. I’m sorry the world is this way. Y’all deserve peace and security.
Is there anything people like me can do to assure those around us that we are not the ones to fear? Like, is there a tattoo I can get or a hat I can wear or something? I wish rapers and miscreants had a distinctive look that us regular folk could avoid.
Of course, I currently look like Harry Henderson with a septum piercing, so I guess probably a shave could help, but I really like my beard. It’s my security blankie :-[
The “alt” style helps a lot, actually (ime). I trust metal head-looking dudes over frat boy-looking dudes 1000% but that’s anecdotal
Hell yeah, nice. That makes me feel a little better.
Honestly nail polish too. Cis men are usually too afraid to wear any, so when they do it’s often a good sign. Bonus points if it isn’t black
I was a bouncer for years, I’d take a metal night over a pop / frat crowd any time. Polo shirt and chinos, watch your drink ladies.
I usually make a point to take off my hood if I have one on, and generally lift my head and maybe give them a nod/smile, or otherwise indicate that “I’ve seen you, and I’m letting you see my face clearly”. If we’re alone in a dark, empty place at night, I’ll also make a point to cross the street away from them.
I’ve talked to some women about how they prefer men to act, and they generally said they think what I do is decent. Of course, that’s reliant on the whole “make eye-contact, nod, smile, and wave”-thing being done in a disarming and “I’m friendly and I see you, and I’m going to mind my own business”-way, and not a creepy way.
I think the big thing is engaging with people.
I’m average size, but historically have RBF, so to counter it I try to engage with people.
Eye contact is huge. We can tell you’re friendly from that alone (when it’s done in a friendly way, not the staring down kind, haha).
I have a couple big friends, and it’s easy to tell which are friendly by how they carry themselves (they’re both friendly, one just comes across more friendly). It’s interesting to watch.
I typically make eye contact, do a little nod, and say “howdy” or “ay” in a sheepish manner.
I try to project the image of “if you need anything, let me know.”
You may not be black, but I think this still applies: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYhXXRXiJBU
Damn, that’s good 😆
Just ignore us. Consistent eye contact, staring, or obviously paying a lot of unwarranted attention to us is way more threatening than just being big or burly.
So you mean I have to act like a normal human being? Fuck. I’m too curious and autistic for that. Are you sure there’s not a hat I can wear?
There’s a hat for the opposite of this. This isn’t fair.
(Mostly joking)
As a woman, you should.
You shouldn’t have to, either.
Nah save your energy. You’ll almost certainly know your rapist and it’ll be in private.
Statistically, yes. 90% known means that 1 in 10 rapes are by strangers.
I would not play Russian Roulette even if the revolver had 10 cylinders.
Nah. Freaking out over low risk events is called anxiety.
Very very few people are just raped on the street.
Its not anxiety to be situationally aware as a woman.
1 in 5 women have been victims of attempted or completed rape. 10% are by strangers, so 1 in 50 women in the US have been raped by strangers. There are 167.84 million females in the US. That means 3.34 million women in the US have been raped by strangers.
Your definition of “very very few” is much different than mine.
So well well under 1% and of those occurrences you still haven’t accounted for walking home on a street. 👌👍
I’m a 6’2" guy and people only mess with me if they’re intoxicated. I’m always completely aware of my surroundings unless I’m in a crowded place that should be safe (like malls and airports).
All my sketchy encounters were on public transit, so I no longer take it in my city (transit in Denver is THE FUCKING WORST). I’ve been threatened and followed multiple times by drugged out weirdos, but let me tell you about the two worst incidents: 1) I was jumped and attacked by a random guy at an empty train station, there was nobody around to help or even witness and I ran for my life as he chased me; 2) guy at a bus stop recognized me from my workplace and he followed me on the bus to my girlfriend’s place and then on another bus back to my home and he started hanging around outside my workplace hoping to run into me. So yeah most of the time I’m hyper-aware of everything happening around me in public and you’re right to be as well.
No. I’m always aware of my surroundings because it’s boring not to notice what’s happening in the world around you, but I’m not purposely scanning for danger. If someone potentially dangerous is nearby I’ll notice it, but I’m not looking around intentionally trying to find them
As a woman, yes, especially at night, because I value my life.
Yes. Always. I even make sure I’m listening to audio books so I can hear.
Is this sarcasm? Lol
Nope, paranoia.
