That’s funny. That was the first thing that popped in my head. I don’t know how to pronounce any of your favorite Scandinavian bands’ names, but I think we’ll get along just fine.

We trash and bash in the mosh pitts, and get out our aggression. But if someone falls, you YANK them up. Many times I’ve fallen, and then suddenly felt myself lifted high into the air by the hand of god. Then I can see who lifted me, and it turns out it wasn’t god. It was a long haired, bearded, tattood muscleman. Which makes sense. I’m like 300lbs. If you’re suddenly yanking me up effortlessly, you’re a big muscle man. And then there’s other times I see women fall. I yank them up. I’m doing the right thing, I KNOW I’m doing the right thing, but the whole time I’m just like “Sorry sorry sorry sorry.” because you don’t aim where you grab. You grab and yank up, by whatever you can. You don’t want the pitt to come her way and stomp her head, not knowing she exists down there. So yank, but also “Sorry sorry sorry sorry”. I’ve yet to have any women mad at me for doing it, they get it, but MAN it feels weird just grabbing a woman like that.

Pushing, shoving, looks like a massive fist fight but it’s all love. We’re trusting them with our life. They’re trusting us with theirs. We all get super violent, and have a good time. Then the show lets out, and we’re like “Oh, you wanna go get some late night eats? Anyone know a good gyro spot?”, and we’re just friendly for the rest of the day. We’re like the Canadians of music genres. Violent when we play, and friendly the rest of the time.

There is research and papers showing that heavy music in general can actually be therapeutic and make someone calmer, rather than the perceived opposite effect. It can be a great outlet. I listen to metal, heavy music, all the time but when I have used it as a coping mechanism, i.e. an outlet for stress, it has definitely allowed me to release such tension. Not only that, but singing/screaming to vocals along to the music surely does release all of energy, and while there are outsiders who might perceive the music as ‘angry’ the incorrect connection they’re making is that anger is an energetic emotion, as in unreleased energy/tension. Metal isn’t angry music, it is energetic. That is why it makes such good workout music. It stimulates and satisfies that part of our lives, letting us be some of the ‘nicest, most wholesome and fun people all around’.

Metal Heads will absolutely be your best friends in time of need. Need help moving a body, no questions asked? Call your metal friend.