This was a team effort.
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This assumes the dildo must be solid. I think as scientists we need to think outside the box (and ass)
Indeed. So if we go with every element at STP it’s pretty boring. All the gasses just become green except flourine and there’s some minute changes. I felt this way was more interesting and would get people asking more questions.
this is a quantum leap in the field of dildonics
The biggest step forward since the invention of teledildonics
What’s the biggest step backwards?
Waifu pillows?
I’d love to see the reasoning for each element. Most of them are obvious but I’m curious about some of them.
Are all the gasses dangerous because they’d have to be frozen to a solid? You could use them to pressurize a dildo-shaped envelope, though.
That’s great! because a surprising amount of research was done (way more than anticipated). You will learn some crazy things by studying this. All elements are in solid form at STP so for the gasses that’s in the range of -200 C. Someone suggested doing a version with liquid and gas enemas but you know? I’m just not that dedicated (yet)
Why not iodine?
I was informed by someone that elemental iodine is actually toxic when not in salt form. Could be true/false?
My first thought was “why is nitrogen dangerous?” but I was thinking about it at room temperature or around 20C.
I know about decompression sickness (the bends) but I wouldn’t expect that to be a problem at 1 atmosphere. Then I stumbled upon isobaric counterdiffusion and I wondered if that could happen from pumping any pure gas into the rectum at atmospheric pressure, since it’d be at a higher partial pressure than any gas in the tissue.
Yeah I think gasses in the rectum have several severe issues that liquids don’t have. Mostly because liquids don’t exert pressure. Could get pretty in-depth.
Here’s some interesting ones that I don’t think anyone’s asked yet so far
The two CIA ones? Only elements with an unenriched isotope that can reach critical mass (and don’t instantly disappear). You’d need only a few dildos to make a nuclear bomb. The anal probe and CIA disappearing is literal.
Borat is in this diagram
Starting with Potassium the Alkalis become basically explosive to water and get progressively more reactive. If you haven’t covered it yet this is because their valence shells get weaker the heavier you go.
Hydrogen and Helium so far basically cannot exist in solid form at STP in any appreciable amount.
IMO, I’d count plutonium in the anal probe category. Enriched or not, it’s gonna raise tons of red flags.
Buying that much uranium would probably just get your house raided by the FBI. If you told them what you were planning on doing with it, they might find it funny enough not to indict you but they probably wouldn’t let you keep it.
You goin to Guantanamo but almost certainly alive. If you knew how to make quantities of Curium and Calorfinium though… yeah you’re dead or not coming out of a cardboard box.
So… you’re saying it’s okay to put uranium in my ass but not oxygen ??
Let’s see your oxygen dildo 🤔
This should definitely be its own website. High-res when? 😋
“Can I Put it in my Ass?” 8K AI UPSCALED (from jpeg)
Never because this is the resolution paint.net shat this abomination out at.
If I fill my ass with Helium, will my farts sound even funnier?
And -checks diagram- you will receive a Nobel price, I think.
With *solid Helium
Literally yes. Then do nitrous oxide. And then sulphur hexaflouride.
Owe, my ass
What do you owe your ass (other than an apology)?
I thought it was just a typo on the chart, but then OP used it in a comment here as well.
It’s the title of the category!
Edit: Not anymore :(
Arsenic is maybe not?
Pain must be relatively immediate to qualify for owe, my ass. Some of the yellow ones are insidious killers indeed.
Edit: I’m making the distinction that I’ll make ones that cause relatively guaranteed death purple.
I think you mean “ow.” The word “owe” has a different meaning, not related to pain.
The spelling mistake has been left in for ambiance
EDIT: I was outvoted! Apparently we want to ‘improve the legitimacy’ of this document or something
Uranium is fine, but oxygen is going too far, got it
Natural (unenriched) uranium isn’t especially radioactive and while there is plenty of exciting chemistry that could happen, none of it would be quite as immediately exciting as what would happen if you tried to freeze oxygen solid enough to make a dildo
Uranium will give you heavy metal poisoning worse than lead, however
I’ll add it to the potential update list. Lead used to be green and then somebody convinced me to make it yellow and yeah…
make nickel yellow (some people are allergic) osmium will be probably covered by layer of toxic tetroxide, cadmium and tellurium are also decently toxic
e: i misremembered, but you still don’t want to be around tellurium:
Humans exposed to as little as 0.01 mg/m3 or less in air exude a foul garlic-like odor known as “tellurium breath”.[23][91] This is caused by the body converting tellurium from any oxidation state to dimethyl telluride, (CH3)2Te, a volatile compound with a pungent garlic-like smell. Volunteers given 15 mg of tellurium still had this characteristic smell on their breath eight months later. In laboratories, this odor makes it possible to discern which scientists are responsible for tellurium chemistry, and even which books they have handled in the past.[92]
selenium is a bit similar in this aspect
why is cerium yellow but other lantanides green, technetium is cheaper than you think (fission product) but it’s also radioactive
plutonium and americium, and maybe uranium also should be blue, CIA would anal probe you for less
You’re right, wikipedia prices are way outdated. Unenriched isotopes aren’t blue 'cause I’m assuming they’d let you live.
Edit: I couldn’t find the reason for that, someone just told me to make it yellow. Back to green it goes.
also make sulfur green, probably phosphorus too if not as white phosphorus
Not differentiated whether it’s red, yellow or white phosphorus so it defaults to the hurty one lol
Actually I’ll make it the very first split color. Exciting.
if you’re splitting colours, expensiveness/unphysicalness of the thing is not related to actual danger, so you can indicate both things at once
For the nobel prize ones they’d all be purple with a couple red so I’m gonna avoid cluttering up the graph too much.
Galium should be fine as long as it’s below body temperature.
The only reason it’s red actually is because of burns and irritation to mucus membranes. It’s far less dangerous than most. So yellow would probably make more sense.
I don’t know. Isn’t Tungsten kinda brittle?
The assumption is that all elements are in solid form at STP and crumbly/unwieldly elements have a suitable binding agent. Or you know, determination I guess?
Would a 90%+ Tungsten alloy count? (See other reply for context)
Hey man. I think the rules are kind of flexible here. I’m not the dildo police.
Edit: Personally I’d say ‘binding agent’ could mean the most pure alloy you can make a dildo out of.
You know magnesium can ignite with exposure to moisture yes?
I’ll need to see a video of it igniting without an oxygen providing intermediary - haven’t been able to find one.
Suggested update, Silicon is a picture of Obi-Wan saying “That’s why I’m here”
Updated
