dual_sport_dork 🐧🗡️

Progenitor of the Weird Knife Wednesday feature column. Is “column” the right word? Anyway, apparently I also coined the Very Specific Object nomenclature now sporadically used in the 3D printing community. Yeah, that was me. This must be how Cory Doctorow feels all the time these days.

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Cake day: July 20th, 2023

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  • My account is so old I have (or had, before they normalized the format) a four digit steam ID. I “owned” Half Life 2 for like four months before it released thanks to getting a code free in the box with my Radeon 9800 Pro back in the day. For a short and glorious flash of time in the summer of 2004, I was guaranteed a copy of the most hotly anticipated game ever, even though nobody could play it yet, and also owned an example of the fastest video card on the planet. Damned if I didn’t mow a fuckton of lawns and reinstall Windows and Outlook an a horde of septuagenarians’ computers to afford that card.

    And no, they do not stop asking about your age.




  • Typically they are – for two of the same reasons, first being that most of the “salt alternatives” in use, the original “salt” in this case being sodium chloride, are also chlorides (potassium or calcium chloride, usually) and it’s that chlorine ion that’s corrosive. They also all turn the meltwater into an electrolyte, forming an easy electrical connection between the various metals in your vehicle’s parts and dramatically accelerating galvanic corrosion.

    Technically any compound composed of positive and negatively charged ions that balance out to a net neutral is a salt, chemically speaking, and by definition they are compounds, i.e. held together with weak ionic bonds via their electrostatic charges and not molecules held together with strong covalent bonds. This means they like to liberate their constituent ions easily, allowing whatever-it-is they’re composed of to readily react with something else.

    TL;DR: Pretty much all salts, not just sodium chloride salt salt, are corrosion promoters.


  • Correct, any instant (or interrupt, if you have cards from expansions old enough to still have them) will work. Fireball is a sorcery and is slower, so instants/interrupts will resolve first.

    You also have the potential to be scooped if you do not win the coin toss and don’t get the first turn. There are tons of single cost interrupts and various fast tweaky creatures that can deal small amounts of damage on the first turn, and all your opponent has to do is shave off one single point of life from you and this won’t work.


  • If you draw this hand, your opponent has zero ways to respond, and the game is no longer fun.

    Of course, that’s the joke. The only winning move is not to play.

    There is a meta-joke in that there are a few ways to respond to this, but only if you know it’s coming. @[email protected] responded with one. If your opponent also has a way to get fast mana out, a simple Lightning Bolt will also do it if it’s inserted between your Channel and Fireball. Or anything that counters your fireball, which will leave you standing there with your pants down around your ankles, 1 life, and probably an empty hand.

    Then the meta-meta-joke is if you are known to be packing this combo, people around you will deliberately structure their decks around countering your stupid 1 turn win (if they will even allow you to employ it at all, given that Black Lotus is very, thoroughly, extremely banned specifically because of this combo), but this requires making sacrifices to their usual strategy and then you can show up unannounced with a different deck instead…



  • This is a first turn win if you draw all four of these cards in your opening hand.

    Black Lotus and Mox Ruby can be put down on your opening turn, and since they are not lands you are not limited to playing just one of them. If you are poor you can substitute the ruby with a regular old mountain. Basically, I only employ the ruby here to firmly illustrate that I am indeed an asshole.

    If you are poor, cheeky, and lucky you can replace the Black Lotus with 3 Lotus Petals and still theoretically draw all the cards you need to do this with your opening hand.

    1. Sacrifice the Black Lotus for 3 green mana.
    2. Spend 2 green manna on the Channel, pay 19 life, gain 19 colorless mana.
    3. Tap the Mox Ruby for 1 red mana.
    4. Use that 1 red mana to cast Fireball. Dump all 19 colorless mana from your Channel, plus the one green left over from the Channel into that fireball.
    5. Fireball does 20 damage to your opponent. You take 19 damage from Channel. You are left at 1 life, but your opponent is dead.

    Realistically, just being able to show people this hand will discourage them from engaging you at all in any type of no-holds-barred play. They’ll hide behind their silly Modern or Commander formats or whatever, where Black Lotus is banned and Channel is either restricted or banned.

    Wimps.


  • My cable box of doom – boxes, I have eight of them – are categorized by overall type of cable and everything is bagged for tangle-free storage.

    I know what I have and I know approximately where I have it. And often enough, I do indeed need to produce a specific able on demand, albeit usually just to give away to other people who are in a bind with some damn fool device or another.

    Retro video game cables in one crate, “modern” (like, PS3 and up) in another, legacy and modern computer data cables in two more crates, video cables in one crate, audio cables in one crate, AC power cables in one crate, and assorted DC power supplies and wall warts in the last crate.

    When it comes to old junk cables, I am not fucking around.







  • The trope of video/audio breaking down into static is an easy shorthand that is unlikely to be forgotten, probably even well after all the devices capable of doing so have long since been buried in the landfill.

    It’s especially hilarious in media depicting the far-flung future, where apparently all technologically advanced space men and their communications devices – not to mention high powered central supercomputers and so on and so forth – somehow still work over NTSC television signals. Even by the early 1980’s it should have been entirely predictable that in “the future” anything like that would be digital, considering we already had widespread digital audio media (CD’s), and digital video was already making inroads into the computing industry.


  • Tube TV’s remained in common service well into the 2010’s. The changeover from analog to fully digital TV transmission did not happen until 2009, with many delays in between, and the government ultimately had to give away digital-to-analog tuner boxes because so many people still refused to let go of their old CRT’s.

    Millions of analog TV’s are still languishing in basements and attics in perfect working order to this very day, still able to show you the cosmic background, if only anyone would dust them off or plug them in. Or in many retro gaming nerds’ setups. I have one, and it’ll show me static any time I ask. (I used it to make this gif, for instance.)

    In fact, with no one transmitting analog television anymore (probably with some very low scale hobbyist exceptions), the cosmic background radiation is all they can show you now if you’re not inputting video from some other device. Or unless you have one of those dopey models that detects a no-signal situation and shows a blue screen instead. Those are lame.





  • I had this as a kid. From a shareware compilation CD.

    For the Gen-Z kids in the audience, that’s like a little snapshot of the internet that you bought at a computer show or flea market for $2, and was worse than the internet because it didn’t have any boobies on it, except it was better than the internet because your parents wouldn’t gripe at you constantly for always tying up the house’s telephone line and you barely had to wait to play anything on it.

    Where was I again?

    Oh yeah. I got my ass kicked by that game. It was also cool that you could set any Windows .ico file as your player character, though. You could run around as Captain Notepad or Sir Calculator the Algebraic if you wanted to.