Self proclaimed billionaire can’t afford a podium that doesn’t wobble during deranged rant

Detroit has entered the chat.

My parents didn’t smoke but that’s literally how I knew the babysitter was gone and my parents were home from a night out.

There’s a real time and place for every human being to eat the sloppiest sandwich ever made. And it’s fucking delicious. Every time.

Knockin’ me out with those American thighs

Onward to the paper, my noble steed!

Fuckin’ oversensitive dipshits. All of them. They can feel free to paddle their douche canoes as far away from me as possible.

Gretchen is such a wonderful person, too. I used to deliver groceries to her and her family. She just used an app with the username Gretchen W. She always helped me get the groceries from my car and into the kitchen if she was home.

Her daughters were also extremely polite and willing to help.

I’d take a Whitmer-Buttigieg ticket in a millisecond.

Worst debate in United States history.

Do we have clearance, Clarence?

I know. Different movie but I couldn’t resist.

So THAT’S what was leaving the ring in my toilet back in college!

…right?

Making new frens every day

The Bert’s Gambit

Cast CROPDUST and watch in delight as the room evacuates due to the stench emanating from your festering bowels.

This comment hit me like a gut punch of dread.

And now I’ll think about it for years.

This is how The Battle of Wisconsin starts.

Hashtag producestrong

Nothing says winning like losing so hard.

Not another crossover episode 🙄