I’m not so sure you should be giving advice about when it’s acceptable to be in public.

I will slow walk the fuck through an intersection or parking lot.

Preach!

Our city was apparently designed by Shel Silverstein.

Can I get insulin printed in a benchy boat?

Decide what you’re gonna do before you do it.

When I was like 8, a liftee at my local ski hill told me that as I dangled from the chairlift about 5 feet off the ground because I waffled getting on the lift.

Most drivers like to think they are the best driver on the road because it’s the one task they’ve done the most in their lifetime. The reality is that they’re all still terrible at it and they’re still allowed to continue doing it.

I’d buy an old Land Rover series 2 or old Land Cruiser and drive around the high desert looking for shiny rocks.

Does your friend drink dumpster milk?

My dog’s breath after she gets into the compost pile.